What Lies Beneath: The background, for those wanting more

Every journey of recovery and self-actualisation is different and unique. There may be people who travel similar roads or even the same ones for a while, ultimately, our path is our own. To discredit each person's own path and speed by comparing them against one another is both futile and counter-productive to both parties involved.

In this side of my series, I'll be discussing the psychological side of my upbringing, psychologists in my past saw it as a narcissistic trait to think I know and then judge that environment. However, I challenge that thought with the statement that while I do believe I truly understand what was happening in the minds at the time of my upbringing, I also do my best to give them the benefit of doubt for both undiagnosed and pre-existing mental and neurological disorders as well as lack of knowledge and understanding of my own psychological state at the time.

I've decided to separate out these discussions as it can become quite confusing and extremely disjointed if you try to follow it without a deep understanding of how neurodiverse conditions such as ADHD and Autism display in various forms and how severely traumatic instances can impact that delicate state.

Healing from trauma is not a linear process. It takes time, patience, and a lot of self-reflection. For me, therapy has been almost non-existent due to the amount of psychological abuse I suffered and the way in which my own mental health conditions were used as a way to emotionally manipulate me into being or acting a certain way. though I want people to know that on the occasions I did engage psychological services my experiences were far from the memories I'd held onto from childhood.

I will also start this series with the statement that if at any point you decide you've had enough, please there is no judgement, you are not lessor for not being able to hear this. Be Safe with Yourself!

I'd also like to state that I truly believe had my mother followed through with the psychologist's advice and given me anti-depressants at the age they recommended them (seven-nine years old, I can't be entirely sure when, only where we were living at the time) it would have greatly reduced my suicide attempts. Up until that point I had only attempted knowingly twice.

Be Safe, Bea